I'm eating all of the evidence.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
