im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
