I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
