i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
