Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
