I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
