Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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