When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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