Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
