I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
