Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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