i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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