She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
