Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
