There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
