Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
