I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
