Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
