Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
