Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
