I can text with my tongue
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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