Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
