I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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