Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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