so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
