I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
