Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
