she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
