I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
