I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
