the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
