Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Barsexuality is the new black.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
