She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
