i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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