in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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