why didn't you poke me back
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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