did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
