When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize