I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can I color on your dick again?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
