I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
