from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
