Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
