The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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