I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
