Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
