i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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