What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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