I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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