I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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