Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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