Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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