The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
