I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
