Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My pussy is not your playground.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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