Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
