guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
