what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You can't just leave with hair like that
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
