he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
