woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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