yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
