walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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