I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
