haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
its not stalking. its research.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
