yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
